Looking at the sea the way I've never done before. It's quite annoying to be stuck at this point where the only thing I can think about it's to commit suicide or not. Maybe it's the pressure, the anxiety of not being good enough, of being worthless. Honestly I think this is not what I deserve. I prefer to feel the warm sun on my skin and not a bunch of tears going down from the sky to choke on my pale face. Possibly it's just a way life has to make me stay on my lane. I would have done the right thing in the right place at the right time. But I didn't. I never do. I never realise time is gold, I waste it and then I regret about the whole thing. Perhaps time is just the only enemy I have on my road to happiness. I think it's just a symbol of what I'm meant to be, what I was born to and why I'm wasting all that stuff at the speed of light. Meanwhile I prefer to stay here, smoking and staring at the waves while I listen to the music that makes me think if I'm worthy enough to life one more day. Just one day. The day that could actually change everything or nothing at all. The day, the hour, the minute or even the second when I decide to throw myself into the ocean or not. If I keep existing, not being alive. Living is way more than breathing and standing up. That's what I do. Maybe this beautiful sea is trying to tell me something, maybe it's trying to make me realise what my life is. 'A bunch of crap. That's what I'm used to think, I never believe that there's a high possibility that I'm here for a bigger purpose. That I'm here to change something, or somebody. Only heaven knows. I threw myself down through the waves though. While I was deeper and deeper in the water, and into my soul at the same time, I thought that what I was doing was the greatest mistake I've ever done in my whole life. But it was too late. I died.
Then, I just woke up.
